Back in 2016, when I had recently given my life back to Christ, I thought I wanted to move back home or even have a family of my own. I felt I was a failure. I felt like being close to my family would help me feel comfortable and accepted in some way. Truth is, for as long as I can remember, I have not been comfortable. For a time, I felt like life was a series of “let’s see if Stephanie will survive this…” mentally and emotionally.
It’s like I’d always wanted a “normal” life, but I was even failing at doing that too. I had a picture of what normal was. I thought I would eventually get married, have kids and then work a job that I liked. I just wanted to know what I wanted to do in life, work towards it and have it…
But God had different plans. I won’t go into all the things that have happened, but I will say that my life has turned in ways I could have never imagined. The biggest blessing and challenge has been coming back to Christ. Not just coming back, but fully surrendering. I felt like the little that I felt like I knew about myself had to be wiped clean.
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV
The scripture was literal when it said that we would become new. Almost everything that I used to like to do and would give me momentary happiness was not acceptable to God. Who was I? What would I do now?
Fast forward to today…
I say all that to say that I still don’t know the magnitude of what God wants to do through me. I sometimes still feel like I am wasting time, because I don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. I can feel that God has placed things inside of me, but He only gives me one piece of the puzzle at a time… and half of them don’t seem to fit together! Therefore, I can’t see very much of what the big picture is. To this day, I still feel uncomfortable in many areas of my life…but what I I DO know and what I WILL remember along the way is that THERE MUST BE CRUSHING IN ORDER TO GET THE OIL…and when the anointing is present, not only am I changing, the people I come in contact will too!
I know I live for God and his glory, therefore, I must let him do his work. In the meantime, I’m still figuring it out!
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”